I was not sure that all the decision that i have make is right. No one is perfect, me too. out of some reasons, i might have a very suprised and controversy decision, no one will know and understand, no one. just myself know why it has been make.

i m walking alone in my life, did someone can understand me better then myself? i doubt that. don pretend that you know me well, that is impossible. ( except Oliver)

some decision that you make does not mean you can see the result right now. instead, it might take a long time like 1 , 2 or 3 years then you see the result. Plus some multiply effect, the result normally is always out of your control and imagination.

i already prepared to bear any consequences before a decision, it look stubborn, yup, i m, i will never denial it, no at all. All i wanted is just let myself more comfortable, i m tired after this few years. i m tired, really tired. i don want to have any difficult undergo anymore. i would like to let my self stay in peace, i need time to find myself back since my soul already do not belong to myself long time ago, been giving her, and i wanted to ask back from her.

I don know when the real meng loong will be back. but the real meng loong will be back in one day definately. the shaken soul seen like cannot bear any difficulty. it still shaking. how are you able to find a imcompleted soul in a perfect body? never! if the soul is imcomplete, then the body will never be perfect. don tell me that imperfect is part of the perfection. i will never agree with you right now.

I will always fight what i wanted, never say give up. if i seen like giving up, all my friends and foes, don worry, it just that i need time to re-adjust for my self. i need to redo many stuff that seen like doesn't match to my plan.

to those who standing behind, no matter you are or had, laughing me, beware, i m coming back and after you. to those who used to help me, i owe a thounsand thank you to you. it is just a littile adjustment, don worry brothers, i m still who i m. i m resting now does not mean that i will fall forever. instead, i m recharging and clambing up.

not necessary you have to speak it out of everything, it is just that neither the situation or the person are not muture enough to let you to do so. the time will come, but not now. i don like to put things pretty close to my chest, not the right time to do so. if the situation already muture but the person already no longer the person, whath should i do? i will call this as fate. no one call against and chanllange the will of GOD, not even me.

it seen like i already have make a decision, no one can change , no one. don be suprised when you see that, because it is a normal reaction that i will have when i confronting someone. it is part of my characteristic.

It was not that i need to have such a big reaction, but then i merely counld not tolerate anymore of this kind of fucking situation. under such situation, i have no choice. i believe that the time and space is not an excuse to stopping me from learning.

Will God help me? i don need help thoough i have my limitaions, but i don really need help. i will cross my obstecles emotionalessly. that is all

i m sorry to those who may concern.